FEAR AND LAUGHING IN LOS ANGELES. THE HOAX DIGEST (part I)
In keeping with the best traditions of regularly announced and nigh as always Bamsday, TNZ’s intention to retire from the big sports
hoax has been already announced several times. However, as our beloved good-jokes-makers TMZ are fond of saying, “You may want to rethink”, we actually wanted to rethink, moreover, we rethought and decided to Die Another Day
wait with the Final blog yet a little more (once it will probably happen). It flashed upon us, we can’t just quit the job
go away paying no attention to the exciting and extremely significant events of recent times, including but not limited to…
The Kafkaesque Murray’s Trial, Mr. Jackson’s personal “The Three Stooges”, Cybernetic Ghost of Bamsday, Small but Powerful Stun Gun, multifunctional songs to listen to and from, Mr. Jackson’s transcendental capacity, Magic Mystery Autopsy and BAM!… little green jacket men. Eat your Oscar out James Cameron’s ex-wife! All these X-files and paranormal phenomena are definitely worthy of the biggest popcorn bucket in the world our thoughtful and careful analysis. In view of the truth as usual is out there.
It cannot be denied, that skills and savvies of the audience have been largely extended in recent two months. Students Believers made serious progress in RBTL, in backward songs easy listening, in taking everything not at the face value, in reading autopsy results as a pulp-fiction and, finally, in understanding our (don’t-matter-black-or-white) sense of humor. But in spite of everything, the internal, insoluble question still seems to vex the augmented minds of enlightened enough investigators – WHENSOEVER WILL THE BAMSDAY COME???
Honestly speaking, we often ask ourselves the same, because after at least three-time frustrated Bamsday we’re still receiving many letters of frustration addressed to Mr. Jackson. So when will it cease? — we wonder.
We came near forgetting about one of the especially valuable trophies. The advanced part of the audience has happily learnt to celebrate every day of life Oooopsday, for, as statistics show, Oooopsday is a far more frequent holiday than Bamsday.
So what’s wrong with enjoying it then?
To analyze the perspective of Bamsday thought the retrospective of Oooopsdays, we’d like to clarify some reasons of your unsatisfied expectations.
While general impatience to see Mr. Jackson alive and well and on the TV screen successfully ignored his straight and honest claim “See you in July”, the Organizing Committee of the Olympic Games Hoax not that fooled you in cold blood, they just far-sightedly divided exhausting waiting into shorter and psychologically more comfortable time spans. Now, when eight months of Sundays Oooopsdays is past, you may confess to yourself, that if you only knew how long you would have to wait you wouldn’t hang about there at all everything would be absolutely different. Mr. Jackson couldn’t but understand it too. Or else with whom would he shorten all these long summer, fall, winter…spring? And when so much is past and the habit of waiting is so strong that almost everybody has no idea what they will do when the Bamsday comes it doesn’t seem to be a problem to wait five months more.
However, TNZ doesn’t intend to give any answer to the key question “When?” We simply would like to remind you simmer is key the gist of Bamsday is nothing, but a surprise. So wait for nothing, while you’re waiting, wait for nothing. Because whatever you’re waiting for and whatever you think, Joker is a wild card Mr. Jackson will definitely make it Another Day.
BAM ANOTHER DAY
“We laughed the whole time.”
“You have a real good terrifying Ghost in that book?”
Lewis Carroll, Sylvie and Bruno
Bad Santa Mr. Jackson tragically left kids without Christmas gifts, but then with very well learned lessons on rather difficult subjects called The Big Bang BAMsday Theory and The Practical Oooopsdayology. However, by the beginning of the school year, he had decided to reward his almost lost children for their tenacity and to send them musical best regards. He engineered another deliberate leakage of another ‘new’ song bullhornly titled — “Another day”.
This time around, the role of new Mr. Jackson’s song was played by old and well-forgotten Lenny Kravitz’s song “Storm”.
According to legend, once upon a time Lenny produced, wrote, and composed this piece especially for Mr. Jackson, and yet he couldn’t help recording it himself in 2004.
By efforts of extensively guerilling viral-managers, it took “Another Day” less than a day to storm the world wide charts the web. By the same efforts, the song was also spotted as “Bam Die Another Day”, which cherishingly refers us to the same-name film in the famous spy series about Agent 777 007.
Besides, there was a very significant guy in this pretty nice context bunch and if you have the time and inclination, his name can send you into some fairly interesting parallel universes.
As TMZ wisely noticed “much like 2Pac, Michael Jackson has no problem releasing new music, even though he’s … ya know, dead.» Without getting into specifics, we suggest you to see for yourself.
2PAC’s Hoax Death & “7 Days Theory”
2PAC Hoax Death & Illuminati Conspiracy
T.H.U.G. L.I.F.E. vs T.O.Y. L.O.V.E.;)
Well, back to our Lenny. To prove he’s clean and not implicated in leaking, Lenny piles into the paradisiacal bushes and makes the video message, in which he hides his perplexed look accompanying his speech under the pitch-dark sun glasses. Sure thing! Like Paul Anka, he has no idea how on Earth this song happened to leak to the web. Probably there is something Ghost in state of Showbiz.
Witness Lenny in da bush.
[Heigh…You are not a very good liar, Lenny.]
However, as with the new song “Place With No Name” based on the song «A Horse With No Name» by America, as with the new song ‘This Is It’ – Paul Anka “I Never Heard” 1983, “Another Day’s” case is nothing, but a pure element of the staging.
It was full of meanings and messages that were smoothly caught by many, despite momentum of the attack. Some went to even greater lengths, trying to interpret Lenny’s song as an apologetically confession of Mr. Jackson. We don’t think so. But the readiness of the audience to plunge into the deepest interpretations really makes us feel delight.
Likewise, by the example of this song, lusting for brand new records hoaxers showed the marvels of ingenuity and self-sufficiency, having found a practical use for such as they have. They invented a brand new approach to the songs and leaned to listen to them backmasked. A short time afterwards, this method was successfully applied to the song “This Is It”. We bet, neither Paul, nor Lenny would have ever suspected their selves to possess a certain gift for two-way song-writing.
This Is It — Backmasked
The thick Persian accent that reveals itself during the backmasked listening apparently follows from Mr. Jackson’s long stay in Bahrain. From where else?
HOW IT ROCKS
“He IS a funny, funny dude”
While we were preparing this blog, our bad liar Lenny sprang out from his bush with another storming news and revealed the teaser nature of his previous appearance.
Isn’t it clear, that now, when the King of Pop is dead, the new Michael Jackson can feel absolutely free to be a real rockenrolla and to release all that “too rocky” for a pop idol music. It’s about time, man!
No, it wasn’t a typical hit’n’run. It was a hit’n’run-test-drive.
No matter how it works – it rocks.
And yet after all these kinda new songs written somehow by someone else, TNZ would like to remind our patients and friends whole audience and Mr. Jackson especially, just in case, that he is not a bad song-writer himself.
To put it mildly.
The last two months happened to be pretty much prolific for variety of differing events. Whether good or tragically sad, they became some sort of a training area for the audience to apply its own hoax experience. Haiti earthquake, Salinger’s death, McQueen’s suicide, Grammy, the Winter Olimpics, etc.
Now, whenever any natural disaster comes, people ask at first, “Is it really natural or made by N.W.O.?” Whenever any not very old celebrity dies, they say “Is it a real death or a hoax either?” Thank goodness, God forbade this kind of questions to happen with Salinger, although he didn’t forbid another kind – “Who is Salinger? Talk show host?” Indeed less books, more chats.
Furthermore, it’s hard to ignore the tendency to see Mr. Jackson behind very nearly every event of great international significance. Whatever it is, it is supposed that there is invisible and invincible Mr. Jackson behind almost every curtain. He manipulates people, prioritizes targets and sends special SOW to motion picture studios, in which he points, what characters must be called after him and where in script must be a clue.
By all appearances, Mr. Jackson has good reason for the title of the Chief Illuminato of the Whole Word. Why not? Just an elementary logic: if the Illuminati control everything, but Mr. Jackson, it must necessarily follow that Mr. Jackson is the Chief Illuminato himself…
WE ARE THE WORLD, WE ARE THE CHILDREN, WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIENDS
The 52 edition of the Grammy Awards took place on Sunday, January 31st, in Los Angeles and, according to expectation, touched off numerous rumors. Having celebrated Ooopsday twice in January at least, the audience has analyzed all given clues with discriminating eye (LA, Staples, children, The Earth Song, ha!) and invented a delightful plot for the returning.
Mr. Jackson, right out of the blue sky, mounts the stage in shining armor to receive his usual bunch of little gramophones and in the same breath goes down the history as the man who thwarted the 52-th Grammy ceremony in 52-th year of his life.
Having seen no Mr. Jacksons, even a hologramic, the public did not stop there. Heated by ‘informers’ imagination bring it to decompose the The Earth Song live performance, a little modified Earth Song video (the tree instead of the bulldozer), speech of the presenter, children’s speech, hidden messages in songs of other performers and to draw an interesting conclusion. Mr. Jackson definitely attended a ceremony, he was secretly singing behind the scene, moreover, he was about to come on stage, but at the last moment he got a tremendous fright, and changed his mind. He’s, ya know, so shy and unconfident.
However, people say, some particularly close to Staples Center disinformers insiders have seen leakproof to the bones Mr. Jackson as they’ve have never seen him before a nosey oldster-in the thick of a crowd-chewing gum-on the upper circle-with children-getting into car.
TNZ wonders why Mr. Jackson hasn’t had his picture taken in front of Grammy’s wall among other stars? What’s wrong about it? As the whole Stapes was eventually clued up! If he wasn’t even in the list of artists who died in 2009… BAM! again. This fact was, in our view, the most remarkable point at Grammy, after magnificent Paris’s Speech, of course. Indeed this thoughtful two-line statement in the most curious traditions of TNZ Luois Carroll was worthy of two-week preparation by efforts of the whole family: «Daddy was supposed to be here. Daddy was gonna perform this year but he couldn’t perform last year».
The opening ceremony of 2010 Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver was inviting Bamsday in the style of the Greek tragedy mythology. Heracles Mr. Jackson would come back to the Olympus driving his golden chariot in the full glare of worldwide publicity and TV cameras.
During the debut of “We Are The World 25 for Haiti” remake he would appear in the role of his own hologram lighting the Olympic flame. Unluckily, aside from his voice and image in the video for “We Are The World 25 for Haiti” there was nothing to imply presence of Mr. Jackson at the Winter Olympics.
We must admit, we were a bit concerned at the fact, that hoax public, looking forward to the Bamsday no matter what, became a little estranged from reality and was about to celebrate the returning of the King at the height of one of the most horrible tragedies of the last years. Even if Mr. Jackson did intent to be back at the start of the year – though he obviously did not, he surely would not do it.
Because that kind of Bamsday would be nothing, but a feast in the time of plague.
WE ARE THE WORLD 25 FOR HAITI
And still, We Are The World 25 for Haiti is the very project to speak seriously and without any exaggeration about his leading role behind the curtain. The absence of special attention to the name of Michael Jackson in the remake of his own hit single entirely gives away his presence and active participation. It’s in the modest glimpse of archive footage appearance in the video. In passing reference among all other artists. In the irreproachable order of priorities. Therein is Michael Jackson all over.
TNZ can’t get off disgusting smack of conformism fail to rejoice how many stars got together to re-record this charity anthem!
As far as we remember, some time ago, one repudiated by society, although officially and actually guilty of nothing poet tried to gather artists to record a charity single for the victims of the hurricane “Katrina”…
But hardly anyone wanted to deal with that stained outcast. Unfortunately, we can’t remember what was his name…Something Michael, kinda… Johnson? No, not Johnson… May be Jameson… something like that. Probably, you didn’t know him…
MICHAEL JACKSON’S “SO WHAT?”
‘I am not an animal!
I am a human being! I…am…a man!’
[“The Elephant Man”]
So, This Is It. One more point to analyze, which has a direct bearing on Bamsday.
It’s not about post-credits part
sagely discovered by investigators wonderful connections between thISISit and the splendid Gods of Ancient Egypt – ISIS and Osiris and other wonderful metaphysics. We believe in the Curse of the Pharaohs and feel a little frightened to discuss it.
Let’s better talk as always about magic of love
Thus, at the moment, This Is It is the World’s Highest-Grossing Concert Film in History, nominated for several movie awards as Best Documentary (keep your fingers crossed). What is more important in the context of achieving the goal declared in tagline, the World has really seen Michael Jackson like it has never seen him before.
If we abstract away from obsessed female fans’ gasps, groans and gasms around Mr. Jackson’s exclaiming hotness and take a close look at the opinion of the relatively impartial audience and at those especially who create this opinion i.e. professional critics, we can clearly see striking attitude change towards Mr. Jackson as a person. The public was deeply impressed with the fact that this mature, scrupulous, strongly intent and extremely competent artist in his perfect form has nothing to do with that delusional, mentally decayed and slowly dying drug addict as Mr. Jackson had seemed to the majority at the time of his sarcastical ‘death’.
However, we have to give him credits once again, he took his sure director’s hand himself in exaggerating of these rumors up to the absolute absurd. Just this way he could succeed such a superlatively dramatic level of contrast with the dissonant counterpoint: pronouncedly unposed and informal reality of TII. Having realized the futility of straight and downright rebuttals and obviously being tired of proving that two plus two isn’t five, he resorts to the radically different and dreadfully right tactic.
He obtrudes on public no sugary views and concepts, he doesn’t even try to persuade it of anything. Quite the contrary, by his ‘death’ he creates the illusion of his own complete uninvolvedness, what takes away the ground for routine preconception and contrives the ideal conditions for the audience to peep, eavesdrop and to satisfy its voyeuristic hunger. He excludes irritative factor of his own existence and leaves confused spectators alone with the spotless palpitating impression of what they saw with their very eyes through the keyhole of screen. And there is nothing for it but to reconsider everything they knew about Michael Jackson before and to draw their own very conclusions. Among which is a fantastic revelation: this guy is….wow!
A human being.
“Well… do you like me now?”
We also shouldn’t forget about promotional tasks that face TII as the trailer – the biggest and the greatest trailer ever – of something MUCHMUCHMORE. After successfully extended to end of the last year theatrical run (initially slated for a two-week), from January, 26 you have seen Michael Jackson’s This is it on DVD with extra footage, on 2 Discs DVD with extra extra footage and on Blu-Ray with extra extra extra footage. And still — “YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHING YET”.
Try to extrapolate this situation and to think out “Where yet “YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHING”? In other words, where yet you usually watch any trailer movie, after the theatrical run and DVD release. What significant date is more proper to “SEE NOTHING YET” again this way? Why you can’t “SEE NOTHING YET” there AFTER the official comeback?
Get the idea? The Bamsday time is directly relevant to the answers.
This is the biggest feather in the common hoax fedora that the penny dropped and many of our beloved oompa-loompas hoaxers have finally learned to take this happening all things happening not as spine-chilling detective story in a sore need of investigation, but as an exciting art-show to watch, to enjoy and to participate.
That introduces a new element of sense into hoaxmaking and inspires the hoaxmaker himself. It’s a rare treasure to deal with the audience able to understand the concept of your jokes. We drew up for you a top list of the most amusing recent events, which, we hope, fated to go down in HOAXTERY.
THE WAY YOU MAKE ME SICK
It cannot be denied, that The Tribute Performance of the Earth Song turned into some kind of aesthetical collapse for us. TNZ expresses the deepest regret that Mr. Jackson, who controls, as they say, everything, everyone and their brother – controls not the wardrobes of his songs’ performers. Because it’s really hard to imagine more antithetic things than the pompous gold evening dresses and the Earth Song.
It’s no easy thing to find a man with a more proper name to refute false ambulance photos of Mr. Jackson in OXygen mask. On St. Valentine’s Day, at the First Michael Jackson Official European Convention, innocently smiling Mr. OXman gave a light master-class of hoaxing and demonstrated the tip of the iceberg illustrative evidences of the way how to make people believe in everything by synchronistic applying Photoshop and a friendly media. The Entertainment Tonight, in this particular case.
Having enthused over the next proof of the obvious many believers showed up once again their extremely vulnerable position for being victim of media manipulation. People still conceder their truth defective until it’s proven by media sources.
А SMALL BAG – А BIG GAG
At odd moments TMZ guys, whose sense of humor and complicity for the original screenplay general work plan, is finally doubted by no one, are changing pics post factum, giving Mr. Jackson the chance to appear in little brilliant cameo once again. He’s about to gift us with a sly wink even from every freak’s and beggar’s bag. He rules this world indeed.
LET IT SLIP!
The famous series “Wannabe Freudian Slips” (“He is still dead, by the way” – Larry King, “He is still…not with us – Kenny Ortega, etc.) was updated with a new episode called “Did You Sleep Well Tonight, Jermaine?!” “The Singular Adventure of Jermaine Jackson In Australia”:
“Michael was not with us way before he arrived to the airport…
uhm… I, I, I mean way before, before he arrived to the hospital.”
The recording process of WATW 25 presented us with a delightful narrative move which is targeted in the investigation as the summit of our ambitions little green men. Aliens in the green astronautic chroma key suits were glanced in the centre of the stars crowd during the session and fell into the public domain in the next breath. They orbited the web several times and after that were brought to an autopsy an exact comparative test for “being Michael Jackson”. And although we never questioned extraterrestrial origin of Mr. Jackson, we doubt the necessity of his personal presence, because thirsty for information pubic, even without that, will take any supernumerary (geezer/blonde/swine/tnz) for Mr. Jackson himself.
A short time afterwards a quite earthly reasoning was thrown on the little green mystery and yet we’d rather not reject such a wonderful metaphor of what is going on.
A BIG GREEN JACKET
The old green Jacket Jackson Dr. Klein’ jacket seems to be now the new black. TNZ staff can’t wait for Dr. Murray to try it on too.
YOUR AD COULD BE RIGHT HERE
A piece of news on hysterically crying Debbie Rowe is not at all sensation in itself.
As you may notice, there is no need of any dying for any woman ex-Mrs. Jackson to cry (hysterically) about unrequited lifelong love Mr.Jackson.
The true newness of this news is that TMZ gave a plain promo link to the primary source of information – www.MichaelJacksonHoaxDeath.net. However, whether the item came under the heading of What The Big Friggin’ Difference? or HoaxDeath.net didn’t pay for promo, unlike Lisa Burks TMZ rethought and considered that the traffic overload would defeat HoaxDeath.net the general audience would be not prepared for such a revelation, anyhow the link has disappeared into thin air.
BABY BAM. STATE[MENT] OF [ELECTRO]SHOCK
‘I wanna SHOCK them!‘
Michael Shocker Jackson
via Will.i.am’s mouth,
Q magazine, July 2009
One of the latest apocalyptic gags
mystery hoax events has shown yet again TMZ’s uncanny ability to make a big sensation (Oh, sensation!) from a little thing
little kids and to write more than ten news running about nothing
one and the same. We hope they have a special automatic “random-words-to-news” generator
. As it follows from the coverage, while ordinary children in the entire world scrape knees, get cuts and grazes, burnt their fingers and injure themselves in a variety of ways playing ordinary children’s games, the well-educated and good-mannered children of the Royal
Jacksons family from little up play for high stakes – with an electro shocker. And while all kids play pranks secretly and try to keep it from adults, The Jacksons kids bravely do this in front of very eyes of granny and watchful guys from the County Department of Children and Family Services.
All the 100 breaking goofs
news on the playing dangerous games children contained refutation of the fact that the children played dangerous games and the name of the alleged hero of the day, 13-year-old Jermaine’s son — Jaafar Jackson. From this breathtaking story sick and tired of hide and seek
accustomed to seek and find hidden messages in every news, readers could draw a variety of conclusions, each of which to be as sad as the other.
1. The children didn’t learn Physics at school and have no idea what will happen if you give a human being a dig with a stun gun. It’s surely not a way to get an electric blanket.
2. The children try to set their granny up. With this end in view they break up the website block, buy a stun gun online, ring for the Children Service not to be late and to come exactly when the stun gun-game is in full play, whereat they gladly inform the press.
Jermaining… Jaafaring… Jeering TNZ staff would advice not to waste your time seeking sense in nonsense and not to pay attention to highly mentioned in shocking news words “the return”, “coming back” and “back in July” and, what is more important, to ignore Jaafar’s birthday date. Though the reflective reader might count a-la STUDY, how many bedrooms and bathrooms per capita are in Jackson’s family months from Uncle Michael’s D-day would pass till Jaafar’s B-day; how this would correlate with the current Jaafar’s age, and excogitate what kind of electro shocker stunning birthday gift would be given to the precocious shocker’s fan.
We’re just saying.
Tnanks, Superflysister, your graphic was more than on point.
And yes, if you now think that we paid for the little promo of our standing head RBTL (Read Between The Lines), you are wrong. We didn’t.
It was by means of netting.
BODYSPOKESMEN. THE THREE STOOGES
“Manlyness comes out of the mouths of bodyguards.”
On March 9, Good Morning America aired another stunning Mr. Jackson’s secret life revelation via the mouths of his very big and very manly bodyguards, who also were his longtime personal witnesses of his real man’s manliness
assistants. After watching this show, hardy anyone can doubt about Mr. Jackson’s manliness
that such manly, trustworthy and telegenic bodyguards are still working in the picture crew
for Mr. Jackson as his personal “The Three Stooges”.
“Being a man….men know men…
We (were) around him long enough to know… he was a MAAAAAN….”
(Bill Whitfield, 100% he-man)
It’s quite hard to outjoke these bodyjokesmen and to paraphrase all episodes of this brilliant live sitdowncom, you better watch for yourself. No doubt it’s worth it.
More MJ’s “The Three Stooges”:
1. CRIME FICTION: THE MYSTERIOUS AUTOPSY OF MICHAEL JACKSON
Recently appeared on bookstore shelves the web pathological-anatomical detective “The Tragic Icon Reveals His Body” “Michael Jackson’s Autopsy Report” has all the ingredients to be a hands-down bestseller. Page by page the interested reader can witness the wonderful transformations of the hero’s body – from partly bold, but bearded man with smoker’s lungs to smooth-shaven, living and well quite healthy dead person with symmetric scars from amputation of the wings near superior angles of scapulas. Diseases and lesions are in and out all the way but Dr. House, was right – It’s never lupus!, after-the-death circumstances gathers like a snowball, keeping the reader in suspense from the beginning.
At one stage the reader starts to think this is the autopsy of several different people, then it seems to him that the process of postmortem lasted so long that the body had enough time to get sick with new emotional associated illnesses. At another point the reader comes to the conclusion that he deals with the autopsy of a little green man!!! a far and away nonearthly somebody and only towards the happy end of the story he stumbles on a great idea – Nobody has died from the autopsy.
In this crime masterpiece discriminating readers can find a great many comical pictures overtones and allusions. TNZ’s sympathies go to unexpectedly cropped up in the report “closed bottle of urigeller urine atop a chair”, which, besides he’s pissed off a little disappointed with intelligence level of his audience, refers us to “The Aviator” by Mr. Scorsese, a delicious biopic about one of the greatest eccentric of the 20th century Mr. Howard Hughes. There is a fine scene in the film where Mr. Hughes (whose huge fan the hero of “The Autopsy” is) in a bout of sociopathy and agoraphobia pees in empty milk bottles. To paraphrase the tag line of the movie, “for some men, the autopsy was the limit. For him, it was just the beginning”. Okay, the middle.
In a word, this fascinating example of modern literature is strongly recommended to the widest readership. Have a pleasant late night reading. BTW If you’d like to know something else interesting about this memorable person, whose life inspired numerous artists and filmmakers, we mean Howard Hughes, try these: “F for fake” by Orson Welles, 1973. “The Hoax” by Lasse Hallström, 2006.
2. MOON OF ALABAMA. TYRON UPSHAW SHOW-UP
The sequel to science-fiction novel “The Twins Theory” by the science-fiction twins duo Mo&Souza gives a follow-up on story, we qualified too early as joked talked out. Anonymous author, who writes under a pseudonym Tyron Upshaw, apparently doesn’t err on the side of fertile imagination.
Plot: From the end of the eighties of the past century, Michael Good Jackson lives in Alabama with his wife and grows corn two children (boy/girl twins) while all the public appearances are performed by his double. A mentally frail, torn with internal conflicts nonconformist and a brilliant dancer, Michael Bad Jackson, despairetely moonwalking against hypocritical society, in twenty years ruined out the image of Very Good Jackson and turned his Alabama dream into a nightmare. It takes a whole hoax to liquidate a bad substitute, who has stolen the life of a good real one. Whether the double was intentionally killed by the king of pop… corn or he died accidentally — the author of this twopenny opera is silent on this matter.
Anyhow, on June 25, the nightmare has ended and now Michael Twice Good Jackson is alive, well and going to be back very soon. A cousin on the maternal side told this tearjerkering story to the first come believer, amid hopes no one will believe this crap. It was really vain for him to hope so. Not prepared for the return of the well-fed and trouble-free Alabama farmer, TNZ editorial staff all at once was about to kill their selves, rolling on laughing floor rush like hell to place our corn wreath at tomb of the tragic copy, that dared to be greater than the original. Show us the way to the next whiskey bar, Tyron, show us the way…
3. THE MYSTERIOUS DEATH OF MICHAEL JACKSON by ROB SIMONE
While you’re puzzling your brains over mystery of Michael Jackson’s co-called death in over eight month, there are people who know exactly how it really happened. Moreover they knew “how it really happened” before it really happened anyhow.Published on June 24, kindle book “The Mysterious Death of Michael Jackson” by Nostradamus mysterious Rob Simone contains 80 pages including the Autopsy the Last Will and Testament and is available for $5.95 on Amazon.com. We hope, after studding subject matter of this book, you will not die bring to the conclusion that Mr. Jackson has literally died from the literary shock… right after having studied subject matter of this book.
4. MICHAEL JACKSON MASTER OF ILLUSION by MARI HADLY
This one is more expensive — $10.87. Probably because it has more pages the author has put more fantasy into this artwork. We have no idea what about the whole book, but this teasing four pages unquestionably deserve the Pulitzer Price (even if it could be the first ever four pages to win the Pulitzer Price) — “The last startling change was the short blonde hair which topped his head.“The writer describes the startling detail of the D-day, represents the true inwardness of Michael Jackson and tells the world what a Nordic blue-eyed blond was dying in him through all the years. In order to avoid an accidental imagination overdose, we recommend not to exceed offered on the official site for free-reading four-page portion.
5. “IT´S ALL ABOUT L.O.V.E.” by MICHAEL JACKSON´S FANS
Just as we were about to joke, “Is there any fan in the room not to write a book about Michael Jackson?” we got, it was too late. Having worn the willow, square and regular, Mr. Jackson’s fans switched their grief onto business creative track – that’s really good for them – and wrote an exclusive book of memories. Collective memory weighs around 1.2 pounds and contains 440 pages, over 100 black & white, 22 full-color full-page pictures and 50 stories about Michael Jackson like you’ve never seen him before “you were never meant to read”. These priceless recollections will cost you nothing € 29,95. All revenues of the book are promised to go to the “Make-A-Wish International” foundation. We think it’s… really cool.
1. THE WAY I MADE ME KILLED. FAMOUS CRIME SCENE: MICHAEL JACKSON.
Splendid though slightly liberal screen adaptation of the international bestseller “Michael Jackson’s Autopsy Report”, the erotic thriller “Body Of Evidence” “Famous Crime Scene: Michael Jackson” evokes lovely associations with aflutter ambiance of Krzysztof Kieslowski’s psychedelic artworks. “What is the film about?” — the cinephiles who missed the first run and didn’t read the book may want to ask. The film as well as the book is about a body. A human body that could have hypothetically been a Mr. Jackson’s one, if his nervous system was a bit less strong than it needs to be a king really is.
However, unlike overfilled with naturalistic humor details original, the film version concentrates on aesthetic side of human dying what is expressively described through permanent fast changing of focus range, emphatically convulsive cut and deep monochromic blue light. For all that, we can’t, but regret that Mr. Jackson had scruples about playing the part of his body himself which could obviously bring the movie up to a higher level of art dramatization and postmortemnism postmodernism.
2. MURRAY’s ODYSSEY DOCUMENTARY
We always told Dr. Murray is a brilliant, though unrenowned before actor. Absence of any plausible specifics in the Murray’s case means not lack of suspense; moreover, it’s inspired in a remarkable manner filmmakers to create something that seems to be an abstract cinematography as it is. We hope this example of conceptual contemporary art – documentary of events that have never happened –will see the light before Mr. Jackson returns it turns to retire from the scene.
3. MICHAEL JACKSON’S MEMORIAL
We won’t say a word about this movie in order not to spoil the very unexpectable ending of this television drama, that has already become a classic of documentary fiction.
INSIDER’S LIE UP COMEDY THE TOP 3
Collective unconscious in general and of the hoax audience in particular, supposes aspirations for the highest knowledge, more specifically, aspirations for somebody occupying higher position on the social ladder of awareness. Finding confidence neither inside their selves nor outside, people all the same, are too ready to yield their selves to another demagogue prophet ’s mercy to listen eagerly to him and then to bombard him with rotten tomatoes after he’s not able to satisfy their expectations or when the next, yet more impudent persuasive predictor successfully outtalks him. So to prophesy from a high rostrum and to perform INSIDER’S LIE UP COMEDY is a rather risky, though exceedingly trendy genre. And this genre, like any other genre, has its own certain bright stars. We’ve prepared for you the The Top 3… and a half.
1. BLACK OR WHITE
“La donna è mobile Qual piuma al vento,
Muta d’accento — e di pensiero. Sempre un amabile,
Leggiadro viso, In pianto o in riso, — è menzognero.”
[Giuseppe Verdi, Rigolleto]
The unflagging star of the Italian opera scene. Language barrier and standing discrepancy in testimonies were no obstacle for her to promptly win the popular worldwide affections. We consider the key is in her folksy approachability, talkativeness and in the real possibility of an interlocution. Regularly plays to the gallery at La Scala Theatre here.
You can join the Children’s Crusade against Bow here. And here.
2. MICHAEL… L.O.V.E. & Attack of the Clowns @ Larry King’s Blog
As the pseudonym suggests, the main creative task of this famous entertainer is simple — to spread love. In spite of medium-level information coefficient, he draws relatively widespread zombification admiration. The routine shtick of his show is a quite trite gag, but it works out like clockwork orange all over the time. It’ is called “Meet The Man In The Mirror”. Day by day, Michael L.O.V.E comes to find out there is someone on his home scene who claims to be him, thereat they both hailed with applauses and conclamations performs a comic demonstrational duel, blaming each other for false royalty and trying to reveal the one and only. He’s usually co-starring with **mj** or “scarecrow1958”, or “death of me” or “cris”, but don’t even try to get who is who, it plays absolutely no part in this show:
“I’m not me, I’m you!”
3. S.T.U.D.Y. (This Is Also It)
The most unpopular popular entertainer of all the most popular and a devastating bore very interesting grotesque character. According to his nickname, works in a genre of intellectual-educational game show People Are Funny Truth Or Conspirobabble. His pet subjects are conspiracy theory, ideological propaganda, numerology and religion. Reasons for his comparative unpopularity are to be sought in he’s too studious to be too popular the overlength and overlightenment of his performances and in the absence of active interaction with the audience thank goodness!. And though his tremendous contribution to advertisement of the Conspiracy Organizations public education can not be overstated, we think, it wouldn’t hurt him to take classes in elegance from his own laconically expressive redirections TIAI.
Like educational quiz games ? Welcome here.
SIC’EM! MJ FAKERS SHOW
Everything in this room is eatable,
even I’m eatable!
But that is called “cannibalism,”
my dear children…
[Charlie and the Chocolate Factory]
This another attention seeker
rising star in insiders lie up comedy (not enough popular yet to make the cut in The TOP 3, but very promising) launched an extensive witch-hunt campaign called The Bees Against The Honey The Fakers Against The Fake.
The crowning touch to this witty entertainment, based on throwing stones at more successful competitive Lie Up Comedians, is a favorite, though as old as the world amusement of the people from the Normal Valley
insiders’ audience: trick with laying the ghost
turning everything into the fake. During the Fakers Show any viewer can point to any other one in the hall — MJFakers will immediately bring them to light and prove in a fairy enchanting, proofless way, that they are the fake. All that needs for turning everything into the fake is not evidences, God forbid, but a confident tone, serious facial expression and a sure faith of the audience. Voilà! That’s a pretty affecting spectacle: at the “Sic’em!”
“Fake!” command, viewers dart out of they seats at each other, furiously attacking their own yester friends. Great future is reserved for this show, except perhaps the magician will go too far with revelations and turning everything into the fake and once accidentally will reveal his own nature, turned into the fake from the start.
However, the fact that insiders spread LIE speaks neither for their fakeness, nor against it. It’s just a routine part of their job to puzzle and to disinform people. As well as the mere fact of active lie spreading, complete with sense of rumor and self-confidence, doesn’t automatically make a wannabe-insider the insider.
At the same time, in our view, both the ones and the others are equal and inseparable parts of Insiders Lie Up Comedy. Sadly enough, but this dynamically developing industry, in spite of lies glut, suffers with downright lack of comedy.
As for the rest, we think, demanding job of insiders and their wannabes surely deserves profound respect. Just imagine, how hard for not a stupid person to harp on the same string telling all these tall tales and to repeat god-awful claptrap, catering essentially for the admass with the not too much high common denominator. And there is no wonder that sometimes they have to plagiarize and to use the ideas of another. From our side, we feel highly flattered that some of our concepts happened to be an inexhaustible source of information inspiration for not a first generation of insiders.
March 12, 2010 – Friday
FEAR AND LAUGHING IN LOS ANGELES. THE HOAX DIGEST (part II)
..PART I >>>
LIGHTS… CAMERA… ACTION!
A film is never really good
unless the camera is an eye
in the head of a poet.
However, the main star of our reality show, not free from a deep symbolic moral, is undoubtedly Mr. Jackson, the Esthete Dr. Murray.
Watching what solemn faces put on news commentators all over the globe to report about the trail for fiction character, TNZ couldn’t help laughing out loudly but infer that real life is not hard to turn into real art if the man of extraordinary imagination makes a hitchcock of it.
Dr. Murray, the fruit of passionate affection of director Jackson to the golden age of film-noir, descends from a noble cinematographic stem. He traces his black and white ancestry back to brilliant, undeservingly forgotten MURDER BY CONTRACT by Irving Lerner, 1958 on mother’s side and COURT OF LAST RESORT – CONRAD MURRAY CASE Reginald Le Borg, 1957 on father’s side of the family.
By the moment of the first Dr. Murray live concert flesh and blood appearance at Child Support hearing before the eyes of retired in July 2008 Judge Hardcastle, he had changed more than one hat. He was black and he was white, he got old and then became young again, he was just a photo and a 3D motion capture animation.
And in the big picture, his odyssey as it is has already deserved its particular big screen. In the meantime, we confine ourselves to a piece of little graphic novel.
As a personage of a threadbare detective surrendered to grief Shakespearian hero (Alas, poor Murric!)he comes back to the grave of his alleged victim before uncommitted surrendering to police. From a middlebrow view this cliché’d move might bespeak for oppressive feeling of guilt and a compunction tweaking, but we inclined to think, it gives our story an unfeigned postmodernistic twist. A lonely non-killer promenades at the wrong place of the non-final rest of the non-murdered and non-dead to make an overflow with pathetic, heartsinking photo shoot for tabloids.
Since Mr. Jackson has no chance to own up straightly that he just wanted to kick that world’s ass for dragging him through the mud and to clarify finally who is who – (chorus: Oh, no! He wouldn’t do it! He wouldn’t do it! No…No…No!) his own fans will rip him instantly to thousand little Michaels Jacksons in that case, not to mention, death faking by esthetical reasons is a little bit …um…yes, illegal thing, – we afraid Murray’s fate is a foregone conclusion. And, of course, by the rules of the classic detective genre, Dr. Murray has to be not a head of the ‘crime’. There must be some ones behind him. Some more scary and powerful fiction characters (the Illuminati for the romantic part of the public and The Cosa Nostra Mafia for the more down to earth one), who will definitely suffer their fiction severe punishment as assassin’s paymasters.
You don’t really expect Dr. Murray to win Oscar as a best actor in a supporting role next year, right?
However, the moral of the parable about Dr. Murray is far deeper than meets the eye. Unfortunately, it’s not only in “innocent, until proven guilty”, though it doesn’t belittle the unconditional importance of this noble timeless principle.
As far as we remember, five years ego, not-guilty verdict for Defendant Jackson couldn’t prevent the general public opinion from keeping on blaming him for whatever coming into their filthy minds.
The cruel truth is that there is no need of crime in this world to be treated like a criminal; there is no need of any guilt for the crowd to consider you guilty.
Thank goodness, Professor Jackson has enough mercy to use only fiction characters, teaching the audience his experimental lessons. So you may rest assured, no Doctors Murrays will be harmed as well as no Michaels Jacksons were murdered during the making of the show.
THE DESPERATE HOAXWIFES.
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE FOURTH KIND
[SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT]
‘Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.’
[Dante Alighieri: Inferno, Canto III, 9].
Seeing the hoax audience mainly consists of women, and women have traditionally been crazy about Mr. Jackson, it appears, we have now a number of mainly crazy Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown. Unlike Mr. Jackson who seems to get used to that kind of things long time ego, TNZ staff was pretty much impressed with quantity of comments, letters and tweets with q: “Will you marry me?” we’ve received in return to our latest blog “the big Q”. We choose to believe majority of such questions suggest joke rather than reality. And, at the same time, we’d like to touch a very serious concomitant problem. Analyzing hoax evens, we’ve already told before about mass identity crisis, conspiracy syndromes and delusions of persecution in our blogs “Being Michael Jackson” and “Give in 2 me”. Since then, in spite of marked increase in general consciousness of the audience, we had to face several totally non-joking examples of mass mental disorders.
We’ve never tried to belittle physical attractiveness of Mr. Jackson and his high human qualities. We also clearly realize that according to values of this world, if you really want to be heard and understood, not only as an artist, but even as a humanitarian, you have to be as attractive as you can to achieve success. Attractive in a sexual way as well. So Mr. Jackson, who has a great power over hearts and brains of his public, in some sense forced to be a perennial youthful Greek god sex symbol to get his noble messages and ideas across as wide as possible audience. Enough expectedly, it should have some sort of adverse effects, such as sex-obsessed female fans. And still, some of these obsessions seriously stir alarm.
No TNZ joke to the end of this chapter.
The patient A. A mother of four children. Came near to divorcing her husband to start relationship with a certain “Michael Jackson”, she met in the web.
The patient B. A mother of a little child, lives in a small country town. Has divorced her husband because of a certain “Michael Jackson” she met in the web. Waits for him to move to her house. While waiting, she has routine astral sex with him in a rough manner.
The patient C. Met a certain “Michael Jackson” disguised as young and innocent girl in a popular web chat room. Has wedded him via the internet, having fulfilled her dream about the secret marriage. Waits for him to make her own house his permanent residence.
The patient D. Believes herself and a certain “Michael Jackson” are made for each other. Wrote a porno-novel based on their intimate connection where she bears him twins as a result of passionate down to beating head against the wall relationships during the hoax.
The patient E. Divorced mother of a teenage boy. Has never met any “Michael Jackson” in the web, but believes in his psychic sex abilities. A certain “Michael Jackson” regularly appears to her with fire swords in his hands, thereat they usually have astral sex contacts. She is completely convinced heaven fated them for each other and prepares to give birth to his son, which will be the Savior of the World, to 2012. For this purpose, a certain “Michael Jackson” has already introduced the Patient E to certain spiritual elders, who have already approved her candidature for a mother of the Savior of the World.
We don’t intend to joke, that Mr. Jackson is now married every woman can marry any ‘Michael Jackson’ the web overcrowded with. We hope, after reading these true stories of really existing ladies in hoax, you will be alarmed as much as we were and, if it’s necessary, do everything in your power to avoid clinical insanity. Because there is no fun and joy at all in paranoid schizophrenia.
PARANOID SCHIZOPHRENIA WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW
Schizophrenia – one of the most damaging of all mental disorders— causes its victims to lose touch with reality. They often begin to hear, see, or feel things that aren’t really there (hallucinations) or become convinced of things that simply aren’t true (delusions).
However, we truly believe, that no abovementioned applies to our readers.
The Mad Hatter: Have I gone mad?
Alice Kingsley: I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers.
But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
[Alice in Wonderland]
Nevertheless, let’s render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s and leave frank clinical insanity, complete with hallucinations and delusions, to qualified psychiatric specialist.
Drawing the red line above, with a casual Photoshop gesture, TNZ symbolically separates madness from genius, and we know, you are able to do the same. Because there is a significant difference between madness as a diagnosis and madness of daring to do the impossible. And a madly ingenious artist merits not just a mad about him public, but a public mad enough to dare the impossible like he dares. The impossible curiosity of more than a year long falling down the deep and dark space-time hole, suddenly yawned right in the middle of the predictable and artless plain of pop culture. The impossible courage of the conscious choice to credit the incredible and to conceive the grand mystery that can not be completely conceived ever.
And a small quantity of this phantasmagorical insanity is what makes that small quantity of the public extremely kin to its hero, mad enough to be the man he is, sane enough to laugh out loudly at his own impossible inner pain. And though it’s not that mass audience for the big box office, it’s the very public any artist dreams of.
In the end we’d like to remind you that the King can do no wrong Mr. Jackson bears no responsibility for wrong interpretation of his sighs and messages by whomever. TNZ, in turn, bears no responsibility for wrong interpretation of our wrong interpretation of Mr. Jackson.
Don’t forget, any interpretation, no matter wrong or right, can be far from the truth, better than the truth and brighter than the truth. A map is not the territory and a portrait is not the person. But it doesn’t make the process of interpretation less valuable, moreover it makes an interpretation the art in itself. Particularly considering the fact that Mr. Jackson is not all less hard to comprehend phenomenon than the little green men.
Alive and dead at the same time, black and white at once,
this brilliant example
of universal quantum entanglement
definitely deserves more than one